Ever since I started to use Tramadol against the pain in my foot, earlier this year, I lost my poetry.

I wasn't woken up by poetry in the middle of the night, ready to write it down in a couple of breaths. I wasn't hit by it while watching TV, or while cleaning the bathroom. Nothing.

I did write some Elfjes, they are usually a different writing process than the long-form poetry I write, not a dive off the deep end into my soul, so to speak.

And then came last night. My husband and I had just watched the Christine and the Queens documentary on Apple Music and he left to go do something. The first line of a poem tickled my mind. I gasped, grabbed my laptop and started to type.

Within a minute or two, the poem was on my screen. I titled it I am and saved it. And then tears just streamed down my face of pure and unadulterated joy.

Even as I write about it now, I feel that joy burst through me. Oh my gosh, I feel like I have regrown a limb. I had no idea how much I missed writing my poetry until right now.

I am so grateful. Here is that poem, in all its rawness.

I am remaking myself
Peeling away layers of
underneath my skin
Finding, discovering
Aspects I have long
hidden from, belonging
I seek and find solace
Kindness within myself
Shattering concepts of
Who I was taught to
Believe I am

I am not the victim
Who hides behind
Layers of uncontrollability
I am not the fool
I think I am sometimes
I am woman
I am complexity
I am solace in the storm
I am quiet in the mist
I am silence in the roar
I am comfort, whole