I've been struggling today. I haven't slept a lot this weekend, and due to that, my body is sluggish. I haven't written much either, in fact, I didn't write a single thing yesterday, not even a tiny poem.
Then, after lunch, I grabbed my bullet journal and sat down to write in it. And I felt rotten because I hadn't done a damn thing all day.
I took a deep breath, and thought of all the reasons why I didn't do anything. I didn't allow any negativity, I only allowed kindness. I thought of how lack of sleep wrecked my energy and about the pain that my body is in. I thought about waking up coughing, and having a hard time breathing outside in the fog. I thought about doing so much the week before, about cleaning and tidying up like a champ.
And then I smiled in gratitude for all the things I have done. A couple hours later I sat down to write this post.
The kindness response doesn't come easily to me. I have to get out of the way of all the negative bullshit that is on autoplay in my mind. I need to focus on my breath, and constantly ask myself if what I think about myself is kind.
It is very rewarding though, to think of yourself with kindness is something that heals. And the gratitude that follows is so beautiful.