One big miracle

Last Tuesday I went to my parent’s house to stay for a night to spend some good times with my mum. She takes care of my dad who suffers from Alzheimer’s.
The moment I arrived she had to leave for an appointment that snuck through and I sat down for tea. The phone rang. I picked up. It was the nursing home. The lady told us there is a room for dad, way earlier than expected.
At first I got washed over by negative emotions. Not ready for that, it’s too soon, I thought we would get a chance to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary first, on may 19.
Now I see the miracle in it. He comes in a closed off ward as he has a tendency for aggression and wandering off. In the ward he gets a large single room, lots of care and such a homely feeling place.
And mom gets her freedom. She can now come over and stay for a couple of days. We can go to London.
Last week I spent 3 days with them. In that time I realized I have said farewell to him. For a couple of days I felt bad about that. How can you say farewell to someone who still lives?
This isn’t dad though. This is a shell that still lives as his spirit
roams somewhere else. His eyes are empty of life, stare in a distance and a reality we can’t see. It’s good this way.
Now only love remains, the childhood pains, the misunderstandings, the anger, all left me when I saw his self crumbled and fell.
Only love remains.

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