This is a post that has lived in my draft folder for a while. I read it again just now and was so moved I decided to share it as is.
Yesterday, I stood in the bathroom, brushing my teeth. I caught my own glance in the mirror and smiled at myself, feeling so much love for myself all of a sudden.
I didn’t think about that moment, just went back to bed and slept. And woke up in the middle of the night, lying awake for hours, again.
I could get mad at myself like my usual response has been to insomnia. But all I feel is love for myself. I love being me.
For so many years I have focused so much on the negativity in my life, especially the last couple years for some reason.
In a way, I have continued bullying myself after the girls who used to do it disappeared from my life. It became a pattern so ingrained in my daily life that turning it around has been a struggle.
Not now though. Something has changed since that moment I locked eyes with myself in the mirror and smiled.
I love myself. I love my creativity and my weirdness and my introvertness. I love where I am right now in life. It is a result of my journey and I am so grateful.
As I write this, my husband sleeps next to me. I couldn’t love him more. He is the love of my life and loving him is the easiest, most natural thing in the world.
Earlier this morning I thought of how sick and tired I was of stopping myself to do things out of fear. My mind went off on a tangent of all the things I was too afraid to do, and I smiled at myself, again.
In the past, I wouldn’t have realized how much my fears controlled me. I couldn’t hear them. I couldn’t hear the full message.
The message beyond all that fear is this one.